This picture says it all, everyone. Like the pile of manhood that you see here, joyfully smothering one Toure Yaya after a queen hell mother of a goal, it took a team today to steal this win.
Yes, I said steal
Against an even remotely better side, we go down. But we didn’t, which is one hallmark of a championship side. Clunky and funky, they still win. And so we did.
Even cooler, the offensive players of the match, the guys who struck the spark and made a huge difference, were defenders; Yaya and El Capitan. Others scored the goals (except for Yaya trying to blow the back of the net out), but Puyol and Yaya were men of the match.
The starting lineup was interesting: Valdes, Puyol, Marquez, V. Sanchez, Abidal, Yaya, Gudjohnsen, Xavi, Hleb, Eto’o, Henry.
And as soon as I saw it I thought “Mallorca is going to score first.” Why? Sanchez isn’t ready for this level, and the other players prime their play based on a certain expectation. So when Yaya’s lazy pass was intercepted, he wasn’t expecting Sanchez to get in his way as he tried to cover. He might have been expecting help from Marquez. He might not have been expecting Valdes to come out so far and make himself so eminently lobbable, since Yaya was catching up.
But so it was and there it was, 1-0 Mallorca.
The horrifying thing was that prior to the goal, Mallorca had shown zero interest in doing anything except keeping 10 men behind the ball. The goal gave them added incentive, as they thought “Hey, we could steal one here, like we did last year.”
But they don’t know what we know: This isn’t last year’s team. Even through the holiday rust which was there in abundance, you could see the passes stringing together, the runs being made. As Xavi started to show more, we got more dangerous. Those of you who listened to match on GolTV heard Ray Hudson attribute the slop to the absence of Messi. I disagree. It was holiday rust, with everyone except Puyol being just a bit off.
There were no one-touch plays, clunky give-and-gos, first touches that were more like “Oofs,” along with tentativeness and tightness rather than the usual aggression.
Making matters worse were two players, Hleb and Gudjohnsen, who weren’t quite with the program. Hleb would do everything right, then mess up that last pass. Gudjohnsen was in molasses, clunky and only occasionally effective.
But two players from the defense, Yaya and El Capitan, came to the rescue. Their offensive aggression almost made the difference time and again. Yaya was trying to make up for his pass, and almost did were it not for a flying foot by the Mallorca keeper. Time and again Puyol charged the box, blasting in crosses and making passes, even almost getting off a shot before losing the ball in his ankles. Everything was close but no cigar.
Saving us was the fact that Mallorca only wanted to defend, and this isn’t the team of last season on set pieces, either.
Last year teams were happy to give up set pieces, knowing that if we didn’t get goals off the run of play, they weren’t going to come. This year, thanks to Guardiola, set pieces are dangerous. So when Mallorca gave up that second corner, you could see it coming. And really, while it was not quite as majestic as the Clasico goal, it was a header from “Air” Puyol that set up Henry for the kiss off the post.
Yes, the finish was very good, and I’m sure that Henry will say that he was playing the bank. Whatever, dude. If you can be good, and add some luck to it, rock on. And make no mistake, it was absolutely essential that we score before the half, and so it came. The second half got a LOT easier, because Mallorca still didn’t have any interest in playing football.
So when the second goal came, some thought it was justice. Others thought that the linesman needed a seeing eye dog. I prefer to think that the Camp Nou lights, reflecting off SPF 45’s chrome-like pallor, blinded him. Gudjohnsen did about the one good thing he did all day in feeding Iniesta, thinking “Hell, if I didn’t see a flag by now, I ain’t gonna see one.” But in Icelandic. And Iniesta buried the shot.
But the goal came from some beautiful link-up play and a couple of inadverdent give-and-gos as the ball pinged off of Barcelona players including Eto’o, whose carom set up Gudjohnsen all alone. My guess is that nothing was called because in real time it was easy to think that the carom came off the Mallorca defender rather than Eto’o.
At 2-1 it was all over but the shouting, because Mallorca still weren’t interested in playing football.
Iniesta made the match academic by dribbling around a trio of Mallorca players, until one of them had enough, and brought out the blade. Second yellow and see you later, right? But wait. There was still a moment of majesty.
Imagine if you will a ginormous, black version of Messi, dribbling past defenders, leaving them in his wake and unleashing a blast that smoked past the keeper on the near side, almost tearing out the back of the net. Crazy, right? But that’s how Yaya rolled today. He was denied by a kick save in the first half on a blast of his, but he left no doubt this time, absolutely crushing the ball. The goal celebration was unlike many that you’ll see for an essentially meaningless goal, which shows what Yaya means to the side, and how the lads feel about him. It was awesome, and a truly great way to finish off a match that we shouldn’t have won, but needed to win to start the second half of the season off with a bang.
So how do we rate this one?
Team: 6. They got it done, but it wasn’t pretty. Nobody seemed to know what to do, and whether it was rust or tightness from expectations, things had better improve dramatically against Atletico in the Copa, or an ass-whipping awaits.
Guardiola: 8. He made all the right substitutions, and hurled enough invective from the sidelines to get the lads up enough to pull this one out. His practice work on set pieces saved the day, because if that goal doesn’t come when it does, Mallorca is just standing in the box and holding hands for the entirety of the second half. (Edit: For my not realizing that Caceres wasn’t available for this match. Pep picks up a point.)
Valdes: 4. Between spilling crosses and assaulting his own captain, not to mention getting in Abidal’s way and almost running him over, and making it so easy to be lobbed on the goal….he kinda had the stank today. No, the goal wasn’t his fault. But by coming out so far, he made the lob a lot easier than it should have been.
Puyol: 9. Majestic match again from the captain, my Man of the Match. He was everywhere on offense, he was everywhere on defense. I got a little worried at the end of the match, as he kept bending over a bit gimpily. Hope he’s okay because he is essential, more so than any player in the colors right now.
Marquez: 7. Excellent match from the Kaiser. He even took one for the team in the right spot, since it was clear that Mallorca weren’t going to score off a set piece. His long passing is a little off, but he’s playing more pure defense this season, so that’s to be expected.
Victor Sanchez: 3. He got smoked on that goal, and compounded the error by getting in the way of a man trying to cover for his error. Further, do something. Foul, try a slide tackle, do something except lope ineffectually after the offensive player. He was never in the right place, and looked unsteady the whole time he was out there.
Abidal: 7. Stone-cold defense as he ranged from left to right, and took up station in central defense after some substitutions. He still plays with the damned ball too much, but is learning to just clear it out.
Yaya: 8. He made up for his error, because that goal was all on him thanks to an uncharacteristically lazy pass. Then he seemed to get angry, and it was lights out. His pace, aggression and ball control were essential today against a side that was only looking to counter. He could have had a brace today. I still don’t know how those runs of his get through, and his offensive passing from the midfield is exceptional. He laced a ball from midfield right onto Eto’o’s foot that should have been a goal.
Gudjohnsen: 4. I just can’t get behind his performance today. He cost a sure goal by being slow to attack a great setup in the box. Generally clunky and sluggish but did little harm, except for the lost balls and broken-up attacks (for us, unfortunately).
Hleb: 5. Only marginally more effective than Gudjohnsen. He has to learn to put more mustard on his passes, and stop with the circular dribbling, which serves to a) get the ball stolen and b) put him on his backside, which means one less player to control the resulting counter.
Xavi: 7. Started off invisible, but really picked it up as the match progressed. His biggest help was having Gudjohnsen move back on the pitch, i.e. the hell out of the way. Some great passes and efforts went unrewarded. Had one amazing play with a slide tackle, then an inch-perfect pass to a streaking Eto’o, who did nothing with the service.
Eto’o: 5. Speaking of, could someone explain to me how Eto’o thinks that by blasting the ball directly at someone, it will get through? Just asking. He seemed out of sorts today, not quite uncertain but not fully involved, either. We saw the difference between he and Henry twice today, once when Eto’o missed a great chance because he doesn’t have fine control of a hot pass at pace (after a great long ball from Yaya), then again when he couldn’t control the ball with a defender on his back, as Henry often can. I’d also like to see him harassing the keeper on goal kicks, to speed things up, as he does.
Henry: 8. Was a hell-raiser today. Abidal’s playing up helped his game as he suddenly had someone to pass the ball to and move, rather than everyone standing there and saying “Do your thing, Thierry.” Almost had the assist of the season with the overhead lob to Eto’o, a move that showed impressive strength and creativity, particularly with a defender trying to cave in his knees from behind.
Subsitutes:
Alves (for Sanchez): 6. Not his usual performance, but a good firestarter at a critical time. The difference that he made was most evident in getting Sanchez off the pitch.
Iniesta (for Hleb): 8. Almost magically, things opened up, though he started off slowly. He makes Xavi’s life so much easier, and his close control is astounding.
Sylvinho (for Marquez): 5. I know he was out there. I know he was, because I saw him come in. Generally solid, but it’s easy to see why he’ll be allowed to leave in the summer.
Next up is Atletico in the Copa del Rey, on short rest. The stint for Iniesta was perfect, though I expect to see more of him in the Copa match. Ditto for Messi.
Oh. And Maradona looks weird to me. In a bad, I’ve done a lot of stuff and had a lot of stuff done way. Wonder what he and Messi were talking about?
Arsenal heading for trophyless season
Will Arsenal win anything this season? It is unlikely on the evidence of this display. Only Manchester United have lifted the FA Cup more times than Arsenal, but Cesc Fàbregas and Co will not be parading any trophies around the streets of North London in May unless Arsène Wenger addresses his team’s problems with a spending spree of historic proportions before the transfer window closes next month.
Plymouth Argyle, a Coca-Cola Championship team who have won only once in six weeks, were efficient and organised, but that is all you need to be to cause Arsenal problems. Injury to three of their best players – Fàbregas, Theo Walcott and Tomas Rosicky – and a failure to spend last summer has contributed to the club’s worst start to a season since Wenger replaced Bruce Rioch 12 years ago.
The Arsenal manager started the campaign by claiming that the Champions League and the Barclays Premier League were the only competitions that mattered, but his team have been so inconsistent since August that he was forced to pick an almost full-strength side to face lower-league opposition in a third-round FA Cup tie at home. “I was conscious that we couldn’t afford to slip up,” Wenger said. “We have had enough negative publicity.”
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Last week Wenger had to deny that William Gallas and Kolo Touré had clashed during training and this week the manager’s problems are likely to centre on reports that he has already fallen out with Ivan Gazidis, the new chief executive, over the club’s transfer policy. Arsenal are so short of quality in midfield and defence that Wenger has refused to rule out signing players who would be unable to play in the Champions League. “I would like to think longer term,” he said. “If the right player comes in, even if he is not available for the Champions League, then class is more important for me.”
Class is something that Plymouth may lack but the Championship side made up for it with a gritty performance that delighted their 9,000 supporters at the Emirates Stadium. Karl Duguid, the captain, and David Gray and Craig Cathcart, the defenders on loan from Manchester United, caught the eye but their best player was Romain Larrieu.
The French goalkeeper, who has recovered from testicular cancer, made a series of impressive first-half saves to keep the scores level until Robin van Persie scored from a corner soon after the interval. Gray inadvertently doubled Arsenal’s advantage in the 50th minute when he diverted a cross by Van Persie past Larrieu and Plymouth were suddenly 2-0 down minutes after their manager had told them to prepare for the worst at the start of the second period. “At half-time I warned my players about what they were about to receive, that they would have to get into the trenches for 15 minutes,” Paul Sturrock, the Plymouth manager, said. “Fifty seconds later we were 1-0 down and three minutes later we were 2-0 down and at Arsenal you start to worry.”
Sturrock had nothing to worry about. An Arsenal side playing with confidence would have pressed home their advantage at that stage but Duguid sent Plymouth fans wild when he beat Lukasz Fabianski from close range after 52 minutes and the outcome was not settled until Van Persie restored Arsenal’s two-goal advantage with a right-foot strike in the closing stages. “We got lucky with our goals,” Van Persie, who captained Arsenal for the first time, said. “We need to win a trophy as soon as possible. If we can win something this year, it will be a big, big achievement.”
That probably will not happen unless Wenger makes wholesale changes to his squad this month. According to many Arsenal fans, he needs a goalkeeper, a central defender, two midfield players and a forward – although nobody who had travelled to the game from the South West felt short-changed. “They are the best team I have ever played against,” Larrieu said. “No one else plays like they do. You never know what they are going to do next.”
Arsenal (4-4-1-1): L Fabianski 5 – B Sagna 6, W Gallas 6, J Djourou 6, M Silvestre 6 (sub: K Gibbs, 30min 6) – E Eboué 6 (sub: C Vela, 70 5), A Diaby 5, A Ramsey 6, S Nasri 7 – R van Persie 7 – N Bendtner 5 (sub: J Wilshere, 86). Substitutes not used: M Almunia, E Adebayor, A Bischoff, M Randall. Booked: Bendtner.
Plymouth Argyle (4-4-2): R Larrieu 8 – D Gray 7, C Cathcart 7, M Seip 7, C Barker 7 – C Clark 6 (sub: C Noone, 78), L Summerfield 6, K Duguid 7, J Mackie 6 – R Fallon 6, P Gallagher 6 (sub: S MacLean, 72). Substitutes not used: L Saxton, K Timar, Y Folly, M Doumbe, E Mpenza. Booked: Duguid.
Referee M Jones Attendance 59,424
